I was able to obtain a draft of the President’s speech to the nation tonight…here is some of what he will say in case you don’t want to listen to the full hour and a half version tonight:
“A year ago before I took office, our country was nothing…now we are the hottest country in the world, thanks to me. You can thank me later at the first party in the new big, beautiful, ballroom, which will be the finest ballroom anywhere in the world. It is under budget and will be completed at least a week ahead of schedule. I choose to ignore the faggot judge who thought he could shut down my most cherished construction project ever…except my upcoming Presidential library in Miami…that project will be my swan song Mona Lisa…it will be much better than the Mona Lisa actually, because everything in the library will be covered in gold. In fact the entire exterior of the tower will be covered in a 1 millimeter layer of pure gold. I really like gold and I recently had pure gold shitters installed in the White House. In fact, if you come to the White House now, you can pay $100 dollars and get two minutes to take a shit on one of my fifty golden shitters! All proceeds collected are going to help build my Presidential library.
Not sure if I mentioned this before, but I declare to our nation tonight that Sleepy Joe was the worst President in our nation’s history…Sleepy Joe, I call him, what a loser. His staff signed off on so much, using the autopen, and he had no clue. I want to announce tonight that I am signing an Executive Order to reverse everything signed by autopen during his administration. If you got a pardon, then you’re going back to prison. The only pardons still valid are the handful that I have signed personally for the few billionaires who made substantial contributions to my future Presidential library in Miami, which will be fully funded by such private donations by the way. The operating costs will be covered by renting out rooms in the tower, housing my library. In fact, I would like to announce a gold card program tonight. For 10 million dollars each, you can buy your own room in the tower housing my Presidential Library with beautiful waterfront views and in a safe upscale area of Miami. I already have a commitment from the National Guard to forever patrol the neighborhood surrounding my Presidential Library. Aside from DC, it will be the safest place in the country. Get them while they’re hot! If you buy one, you will be gifted a special edition Trump watch to seal the deal!
When Sleepy Joe and Kamaala pretended to run the country, less than 1 trillion was invested by other countries in the United States. In just over a year, I have commitments of 31 trillion dollars now to be invested in our country. Many of these commitments are coming with substantial donations to my Presidential library with no strings attached. All because we are the hottest country in the world. Maybe the hottest country to ever exist. I heard Sparta was hot, but we may even rival Sparta in hotness!
Speaking of hot, I appointed Kristie Noem, because I thought she was hot. I had to fire her though for having an affair with some D-bag instead of me. If she’d had an affair with me, she’d still have her job, but she demonstrated a lack of judgment by sleeping with that other guy. I never even heard of him before. And, I also wanted to announce tonight that Kristie’s husband is a faggot cross-dresser. I felt that was hot news that our country needed to hear tonight. The fact that she married a fag instead of a manly man was another indication of her mental instability! I’m proud to have replaced her with a guy who used to run his own plumbing business. He also never lost an MMA fight because he only fought faggots. The handful he fought, were way below his weight class, which only a few of us knew about…only Dana and I knew actually. Now you know the rest of the story!
Sitting next to smoke-show Pam our AG this morning at the Supreme Court got me all hot and bothered. She whispered in my ear to come on over and meet her in a special room at my Trump Hotel in DC after the speech, so I am heading over to bang her hot ass when I wrap this up. I know you will all understand. It’s not every day that these opportunities come up, if you know what I mean!
So, in conclusion, we are the hottest country in the world and progress is being made daily on my/our new ballroom and my future Presidential library.
Oh, as a side-note, and I’ll end with this, we are close to signing a deal with the gay Ayatollah of Iran. I’m told he also has erectile disfunction, which means for all you queers out there that he can’t get it up! I told him he’s got a deal if he opens up the gay Straight of Hormuz immediately and gas prices go down below 90 dollars a barrel by Easter Sunday. If not, we will continue to obliterate his military capabilities. We have already obliterated his entire navy. The other night we took out their Chief of Naval Operations. I told the gay Imam that we’d take out his faggot ass too if he doesn’t make a deal soon. It’s time for the people of Iran to take back their country. We have obliterated everything for them!
God bless our troops and may God bless America…Good night!”
April Fools…not really his speech, but I bet you’d get drunk tonight if you took a drink every time he mentions something I happened to mention above!
A 110 PERCENT MENTALITY-THE COLONEL'S CORNER 